Episode 007: Tips for Everyday Courage
Welcome back to episode 7 of Shake It Off with Dr. Lauren Hodge and Kendra Till. In this episode, we are going to talk about everyday acts of courage. It takes courage to move through big transitions and take action so that we live a life that is true to us. We are going to talk about our ideas on how to practice courage for personal growth. Having courage does not mean never being afraid. It means being able to act despite your fears. We discuss the different types of courage that we need to tap into during various stages of our lives and tips such as studying courageous people you admire, using growth mindset, and intentionally seeking a comfort zone of progress. We speak honestly and openly about our courageous experiences (the good and the bad).
Listen to the Episode
Listen to the Podcast on Apple Podcasts >>
Listen to the Podcast on Spotify >>
Links to resources mentioned:
Read The Transcript
Kendra Till
Welcome to Shake It Off, a podcast that gives you the tools, strategies, and stories to optimize and prioritize your physical and mental health.
Lauren Hodge
Welcome back to Shake It Off. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about everyday acts of courage. The reason we chose this topic is because who isn’t experiencing major changes and transitions right now? We are all uprooting ourselves, going through so many changes that require us to take action so that we can live a life that’s true to us, and this requires courage. So we’re going to talk about our ideas on how to practice courage for personal growth, but first, before we do that, we need to understand what we’re talking about when we say courage.
Kendra Till
That’s right, and what I really like about the word courage is that it’s associated with being a heart word, which is something that Brene Brown mentions. ‘Essentially, we typically associate courage with acts that are heroic or these brave deeds, but the definition also just fails to recognize the pure inner strength and level of commitment that’s required just for these simple daily acts of courage, and for us to not only speak honestly but also openly about who we are and our personal experiences, both good and bad. So speaking from our heart is essentially this ordinary act of courage’.
Lauren Hodge
That’s really interesting, what are examples of courage and what is this definition of the heart word, courage. I’m thinking it’s things like when we want to speak honestly and openly about who we are and our experiences. That’s things like having this podcast, it’s showing up with our true experience, and talking about the good and the bad, and not just living in a fake world of positivity.
Kendra Till
It’s a sense of this vulnerability of showing up and telling some personal stories and personal accounts on what your thoughts are on topics. Obviously, we do our research, but we’re still showing up as who we are. That sense of vulnerability, just showing up.
Lauren Hodge
It requires vulnerability, it’s up to you to speak your truth.
Kendra Till
It goes the same for even being in a relationship, speaking honestly and openly in those relationships, whether it’d be an intimate relationship or a relationship with a family member, or even in a workplace environment too.
Lauren Hodge
It’s those really hard moments where you’re like, “What is going on inside me right now?” And it almost requires you to go deeper to understand what’s really going on so that you can acknowledge it, you can feel it, and you could talk about it.
That’s the part that takes courage.
Kendra Till
If we think about it, in the sense if you have to leave a relationship or leave your job or your career and make that big transition…
Lauren Hodge
Or leave a location or moving cities. For us starting a new life over here back in the U.S. and starting one in Australia, whenever we moved there separately, those are huge daily acts of courage.
Kendra Till
I was scared shitless to be honest, especially through the move to Australia, I didn’t know what to expect, but I also knew in my heart that it was something that I desired, and I wanted adventure, travel and new experiences in a new place. That was something that resonated with me, and I had to get reflective upon that to really make that move, and to do that. Same for coming back here, and it’s a big change in your adult life. It’s hard to move when you’re in your 30s.
Lauren Hodge
It felt like the courageous act for me and moving, I knew it felt good to go to Australia, and it felt good to leave when I did. It was the right thing for me. Well, the courageous act for me was probably deciding to move to this specific location, to move to South Carolina. I never thought that this is where I would want to be, and it is now, but I think doing that is because of my history here and so many other things with my family. It took a lot of courage and a lot of introspection.
Kendra Till
I think too when it comes to leaving a relationship or again, as we mentioned, leaving a job. I know, for example, when I left the corporate career or my corporate career, it was really scary and I knew in my heart that it was something that I wanted to do to make this change in my life
that I again desired that it was really important to me, but again was so scared, and I really had to call on support for to help make that courageous act.
Lauren Hodge
That’s a big part of this, right? It’s getting your supports in place whenever you’re going through these big changes. I’m just thinking of another act of courage when you have to find strength in your grief, when you’ve lost a loved one. When you’re experiencing pain, you’re in the moment of that pain, and you are trying to figure out your next steps, and an act of courage there is asking for support and acknowledging that we can’t do this alone. Acknowledging how you’re feeling, and then expressing that is a major act of courage.
I tell you what, I’ve worked so hard on asking for help, not having feeling like I have to do everything alone over the years, because that feeling like you have to do it alone, or that you should be okay, and that you shouldn’t be feeling this way, is what leads to stagnation and not reaching out.
Kendra Till
That’s what community is about anyway, isn’t it? Community as in within your family and your friends in your support group, and especially in those times of deep grief and loss. That’s so important. Obviously, everyone goes through these different emotions and the turmoil that comes with it, but having that support system around is important.
The last category I can think of is brave deeds, for example, standing up for yourself, standing up for something that you believe in, or even engaging in a new experience.
There’s a whole range of these different brave deeds that you can practice on a daily basis.
Lauren Hodge
I’m thinking of when I asked for a promotion, I’ll never forget the moment I did that, and not getting it.
Those are also moments that you’re being courageous, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to go exactly how you want it to, but practicing that and flexing that muscle is so important.
Another one is telling your crush that you have a crush on them. I had this experience where there was somebody I was fond of for two years, and it just was not ever the right time to act on that. I finally told them that I had a crush, it’s just that moment of getting the words out. It was so terrifying, but also hilarious. I mean, I’m a grown-ass woman.
Kendra Till
But you did it! You trusted what was in your heart, and you listen to it, and you told your crush that you liked them. I think also these daily acts of kindness are really important too, and how we can interweave that into life. Whatever that might look like, if it’s helping out your neighbor, helping out your best friend.
Lauren Hodge
Going into the soup kitchen and volunteering, giving back in some way where you’re trying something new. You’re trying out this new voluntary act. So I’m wondering then how we can practice courage for personal growth, and when I think about different ways that I’ve been trying this over time, is really making sure that I do a lot of introspection, which is similar to reflection.
I know that there’s a proven practice around journaling, this is the way you get your internal thoughts out on paper and work through them without having to hold them inside, and oftentimes our inner dialogue is not something we need to communicate to others. It’s just something that helps us excavate how we’re feeling, what we’re avoiding. These are some of the questions that I’ll ask myself to get me started on this courageous path. What am I avoiding? What conversations do I need to have? What is working for me right now and what isn’t working for me? Then I can start to identify the actions that I need to take from there, and those actions are usually quite courageous as a daily acts of courage.
Kendra Till
It’s looking at this fear, you’re looking at the fears in your life too. I mean, for me personally, it’s if I’m living in this element of fear in a particular area that if it’s a change that I want to make. If I look at it and think, “Okay, if I continue to live in this fear, I’m just going to stay exactly where I’m at doing the exact same thing. And nothing’s really going to change.”
So going back to what you’re saying, where you’re journaling about this, and you get your thoughts down, get into the nitty gritty of that fear, and then you can help choose the steps to get out of that and to follow your heart instead of your fear.
Then those changes will start to take place because you’ve had that time to reflect and you know you want a different outcome.
Lauren Hodge
That’s right. I’m just trying to think of moments like that. When I think of fear, I think of feeling like a feeling of contraction, being stifled and stagnant, stiff, my shoulders go to my ears if I were to see what it looks like in my body, and also the actions for me or when I’m immobile, and I’m stuck.
When I’m starting to feel that way, and this happens all the time. Being courageous or being self-aware doesn’t mean that you don’t feel this, you actually probably feel these things even more, because the more you ask yourself these questions about how you’re feeling, the more you’re going to unravel things, and the next step is to take action, you have to take action. So just doing this process when I feel stifled, and I’m in fear, I need to journal out those questions so that I can figure out the next best action step I need to take action.
I can’t stay in one spot when I’m in this fear space.
Kendra Till
Absolutely.
Lauren Hodge
What does it feel like to you?
Kendra Till
Definitely those same body effects, your throat feels like it’s constricting, and my chest, it’s such a yucky feeling inside. I’ll be honest, sometimes, those moments can last for almost even a full day if I let it linger, and if I don’t choose to sit there and reflect on them. If it’s something where I wish I would have stood up and said something.
I find sometimes if I chose fear, then that’s how I continue feeling versus if I just would have spoken my truth.
Lauren Hodge
Even speaking with a shaky voice, I think about the time when this person that I had a crush on they were giving a talk talking about what are some things that you can do to llive your truth. And their saying, “you know, things like, if you really like someone just telling them” and their looking at me dead in the eyes, I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t get the words out, eventually I did. My voice was probably still a bit shaky, but doing it even, it’s okay to take action, even in fear, instead of choosing the opposite. It’s also okay to feel fear and to be stagnant to be stuck in stagnation because that’s actually normal. It’s just acknowledging it when it happens and knowing “Okay, eventually, like what’s my next step?”
Kendra Till
Also recognizing that if you’re continuing to run away from your fears, and not face them, with time it will start to compact and compile and you’re not being true to yourself.
Lauren Hodge
That’s right. This feeling of courage is almost the opposite of that, it is a feeling of expansiveness. So there’s contracting versus feeling expansive. To me, that means feeling like my shoulders are back, my chest is open, and I’m able to follow my intuition based on this reflection, and how I truly feel. It feels light, it feels like I have space to be creative, flexible and mentally agile. What is expansiveness? Or what does that opposite of fear feel like to you?
Kendra Till
Yeah, it would be the same. It’s just this sense of freedom, and this wholeness almost, there’s a sense of wholeness, and also just happiness as well. The joy that comes from that, just knowing that there’s not this heaviness weighing you down. So I agree with what you’re saying to be light.
Lauren Hodge
When I think of courageous people, who can be your courage role model?
Kendra Till
That’s a really good point, just looking at people that you admire that have done these courageous acts or courageous deeds that you really admire and how can you model them.
Lauren Hodge
Exactly. Before I go to give a talk or speak at a conference, I will imagine a particular character. It’s usually Leigh Anne Tuohy from the movie Sideline (Blind Side). I love that she’s southern, and when I was in Australia, especially I think the movie came out or maybe a little bit before that, but it gave me this strong woman role model who really speaks her truth, and stands up for others, but also very vulnerable. I feel like she becomes vulnerable, that she pulls back the layers.
Kendra Till
That’s a great movie. That is such a good movie.,
Lauren Hodge
That would be the role model that I imagine before I speak or before I’m going into a hard conversation. I have a few others, do you have one?
Kendra Till
When I first started going into the mentoring space, within the pilates program, I really looked up to my own mentors, which are Kat and Kimberly. They were both two amazing friends and mentors in my life, and they have such a wealth of knowledge and experience, I continue to look up to them in terms of how they present themselves, how they speak their truths, and how they can get up in front of a group of students and share their knowledge. It just seems so effortless to me when I look at how they do it, and I really think that that level of courage for them to continue growing and evolving like they do is really admirable.
Lauren Hodge
Right? That’s true. Oftentimes, we hope we can have a boss or somebody like that in our life, because if I remember correctly, Kat was your boss. That was the first time you worked in a pilates studio, right?
Kendra Till
She was my first Pilates boss. She was such a good mentor for me, actually, she was the one who helped me transition from the corporate world into the pilates realm. Actually, she was right next to me when I called my HR manager when we were down in Sydney at a conference, and
I just knew in my heart that I really wanted to pursue my pilates passion
, and she was there and helped me make that courageous act like I literally was on the phone outside of the conference hall making the call. What’s great is she had been there before, so she made that leap from the corporate world into teaching, following her pilates passion.
Having that community was just so important.
Lauren Hodge
I think that speaks to a really good point about acts of courage. We can do these things alone, it can be asking someone out on a date, or it can be showing up to a new class or having a new experience by yourself, but oftentimes, it’s easier to do something new with someone else, and so having her there to help you make that call, sounds like it was really important.
Kendra Till
I also think those acts of courage by yourself. So last night at dinner, we were discussing a little challenge for Lauren, which was to try going to a bar and sitting by yourself.
Lauren Hodge
I’m dating through Hinge right now, which is how we date in the modern world, and as I was saying in the last episode, this summer is just about dating and meeting new people. Where for so long, I’ve really been dating with the purpose of meeting someone to marry. I’m still dating intentionally, but that’s not the forefront of this. It’s just to meet people and to get to know new people, and it’s been so eye-opening, but I’m meeting them through Hinge. So it’s already a curated experience in a way you’re showing up and you’re not having to do that first initial, “Hey, how are you?” randomly walking up to or sitting next to someone who you’d like to strike up a conversation with which is a skill set in itself that I think we all are kind of losing due to technology and having an initial connection with someone you’ve never met.
So anyways, Jesse, Kendra’s husband, set up a challenge for me to meet new people by just going to the bar. He does this and he’s married, so you can even do this without having it to be a dating-related thing. We were talking about dating and I was like, “Oh, wow, that’s so scary.” I honestly couldn’t believe how terrified I was in my body when he was saying this. I was like, “I don’t know if I can do this.” But you know, you think about it, this is how we used to meet people. I love that we have dating apps, especially for busy business owners, it makes my life so much easier, I don’t hang out at bars, that’s just not where I’m at. But I’m going to try this, it’s a challenge I’m going to try.
Kendra Till
That’s right, it could even be a local, local restaurant or just somewhere that you feel comfortable that you can go up and grab a drink or grab a meal, and just start to converse with other people. And who knows, and not even from a dating perspective, but just even meeting new people. Again, that’s an act of courage that you can do on your own, after time it becomes a little bit easier as you go forward with it.
Lauren Hodge
Exactly. I think by continuing to try new things, even when we want to give up, taking risks, and telling ourselves that we can do this and that we’re not going to give up. Perseverance in a way is when we really are open to growth, and the end to courage, which actually I said, growth because this is reminding me of Carol Dweck’s work and looking at the growth mindset.
Believing that you can do new things versus the fixed mindset, which is saying I am born with these talents and skills, and this is my God-given set of talents and skills, and I can’t develop any other talents and skills. This leaves people less likely to try new things, you’re less agile and cognitively you do better. There are studies from Carol Dweck’s work where kids do better on tests and exams, when they have a growth mindset.
Kendra Till
That’s interesting. I think ultimately it’s just embracing that challenge.
Lauren Hodge
And knowing you can do it, we can do anything within reason, and it’s this belief that you can do anything that you put your mind to. It might take time, and it might be slow progress getting there, but ultimately, we can do mostly anything that we put our mind to.
Lauren Hodge
Embracing the challenge and getting curious about how you want to kind of stretch and grow and learn new things and find what you’re interested in.
Kendra Till
I like that. In fact, that’s actually something that we want to challenge our listeners to do, is to get reflective and ask yourself, “Where do I want to practice more courage in my life, and you know what, something that is no longer working for me?” And perhaps where you’re feeling stagnant.
So get reflective on those questions and see, what am I feeling, and what am I being pulled towards to explore more, and write those down in a journal about them. If you want to think about them while you’re in the car, going for a walk, but just see where you can step outside of your comfort zone, and really lean into that courage.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode. You can find me at kendratillpilates.com or on Instagram @kendratillpilates, or if you happen to be in the Hilton Head area, please stop by and come into a pilates class with me. You can find Lauren at drlaurenhodge.com, and her online course Flow is currently available, and the course will supply you with strategies to help set goals and habits to manage stress and also to enhance your mindset.
Lauren Hodge
Links to the resources that we mentioned are in the show notes, and you will find a free downloadable PDF document with the tips that we covered in this session on Lauren’s website with the link to that resource in the show notes as well. If you liked what you heard today and find the tips useful please give us a five-star review on iTunes Podcasts or Spotify and tell us what part you liked about the episode today. We would really like to know what you’re enjoying and what you would like to hear more about.
